More of an intellectual comparison of different theories than a self help book. A slow read that is probably more appealing to academians.

This book notes how narcissism (ie: a needed fabrication made by the psyche, which was forced to create an idealized perfect false self image for oneself (an "as if personality"), to serve as a way of having some sense of identity, in response to how one was treated as a child) has been looked at by different thinkers over time. All of them agree on the basics (ie: the symptoms: grandiosity, entitlement, "infantile yardsticks," lack of empathy for others, interpersonal exploitativeness, etc) but many of them disagree on the details of its underlying structure. The following is in reference to the author's section on Kohut's thoughts on the subject. As I understand, one aspect of narcissism can be thought of in the following manner:

Once the child is born, he has two very basic needs: to be accepted, seen, welcomed and validated (mother's loving gaze); and to feel protected, safe and nourished (secure attachment). When the first need isn't met for whatever reason(s) and "a miscarriage in mirroring" occurs, the child develops a feeling of a deep sense of unworthiness and defectiveness regarding himself. Since this feeling is completely unbearable for a child to feel, he uses his imagination to create a perfect image of himself and then channel his life force, and his belief about himself, into that image. This idealized image then forms his identity and the knowledge that it is a pseudo identity gets "vertically split" off and buried in the unconscious.

In response to the second need not being met, the child uses his imagination to create for himself an image of "other" who is perfect enough to fuse with. This phenomenon expresses itself when a person views others in his external world as either "all good" or "all bad," rather than as another imperfect human being coping with their issues of being, to one degree or another, unloved as well ("whole object relations").

"The child’s original narcissistic bliss is disturbed by the unavoidable shortcomings of maternal care, and the child attempts to save this experience of bliss by assigning to it (a) a grandiose and exhibitionistic image (the narcissistic self); and (b) an idealized parent imago — an imagined, completely devoted, all-powerful parent." pg 184

"Both Kernberg and Kohut agree that patients with narcissistic personalities may not appear disturbed in their surface behavior and may function well socially and show good impulse control. Their great need to be loved and admired by others, their inflated concept of themselves, their shallow emotional life, and their minimal or lack of empathy for the feelings of others may only manifest itself on careful examination." pg 25

Those with the narcissistic pattern can develop empathy or "vicarious introspection" ... “so although empathy may sound mysterious, remember that there is much that sounds mysterious in the universe, only you have gotten used to it; and perhaps you will get used to empathy. (Henry Stack Sullivan)" pg 472

Regarding so-called "narcissistic rage": "Narcissistic patients are extremely sensitive about what they cannot control." pg 207 For example, "... interpretations of the past may come as a narcissistic injury because the patient cannot do much about the past and feels weak and [helpless]. Rage at such interpretations is the consequence of narcissistic injury and not, as it is often misinterpreted, part of the transference." pg 218

To one degree or another, those with the narcissistic pattern become "mirror-hungry" and "thirst for selfobjects who will give them confirming and admiring responses. 'They are impelled to display themselves and to evoke the attention of others, trying to counteract, however fleetingly, their inner sense of worthlessness and lack of self-esteem' ..." pg 295

To one degree or another, those with the narcissistic pattern become "merger-hungry" and "have a compelling need to control their selfobjects, are very intolerant of the independence of the self-object, very sensitive to separations, and demand their continuous presence ... " pg 296 Apparently the recent increase in "digital voyeurism" may be fueled by this.

Some become "ideal-hungry" and "are forever in search of others whom they can respect and admire for various idealized traits such as prestige, power, beauty, intelligence, or moral or philosophical stature. Such patients can only experience themselves as worthwhile when they are related in some way to these idealized self-objects." pg 295 If I understand it correctly, Masterson refers to this as "closet narcissism."

The author notes that treating those with the narcissistic pattern can be challenging because not only is the therapist viewed as an "appendage" to him but is also "a source of envy and projected rage [which] must be devalued, controlled, or destroyed." pg 299 Masterson says that the best way to treat those with this pattern is through what he calls, "mirroring interpretation of narcissistic vulnerability." These interpretations are very soft and manage to not to cause narcissistic injury. They help the person to bring up memories and dreams and initiate the grieving process. Examples of this approach can be found in his books. Robert L. Moore says that men need to heal the "weakling prince," the "high chair tyrant" and the "know-it-all passive-aggressive trickster" within in order to find his genuine and mature masculinity.

I like Richard Chessick's book for its ability to summarize very clearly and succinctly a variety of ideas on various aspects of this mindset. Apparently the essence oil of the flower Narcissus can induce a person to hallucinate. Those with the narcissist pattern are considered addicted to their false selves.

(page references are for the 2015 International Psychoanalysis Institute (IPI) e-book version of this 1986 hardcover)

The author is a very accomplished psychoanalytic author, this book in my opinion being no small part of his accomplishment. His introductory chapters on psychoanalytic innovators like Klein, Fairbairn, Winnicott and R. D. Laing are excellent as is his coverage of more modern authors like Kernberg, and his brief synopsis of Lacan in the latter part of the book is masterly. More importantly his chapter writings on Kohut which make up the bulk of the book are superb. I've read all of Kohut's major works and most of the other literature by 'Kohutians' and no one, and by no one I mean major Kohutians like Goldberg, has written a book on Kohut as comprehensive and well explained as this. Yes there have been some very good books like Allen Siegal's 'Heinz Kohut And The Psychology Of The Self' and Rubovitz-Seitz's 'Kohut's Freudian Vision'. But in my opinion nothing as good as this book , which was first published back in 1985. It's a superb book of which the author can be justly proud. His understanding of Kohut is, in my opinion, unsurpassed.